Single Parent Life...

I don't know what happened to my previous post, so I will try to recreate what I'd said.

As of this weekend, I again took custody of my 3yr old niece Aishah (pronounced Ah-jah). Isn't she the cutest? She is a beautiful, intelligent, and precocious child. I have had a bond with her since she was in her mother's womb and it's only grown stronger with time. Due to some 'issues' in her life, my sister moved in with me when my niece was 2mths old and I took on full custody of her from the age of 8mths - 2yrs by myself. I had to take custody of my niece again earlier this year and yet again, my sister is experiencing problems and I have my niece again.

Aishah's mother is my oldest sister and I'm the youngest. It seems as though our roles are reversed as I've had to come to my sister's aid many times. She's come to live with me 4 times in my adult life and none of those experiences have ended in a positive way. In short, my sister has some issues that she needs to address and I'll leave it at that (one of which is the fact that she is a single parent of 5 children). I have taken my niece at my sister's request and because I feel it's the best thing for her as she's the youngest of my sister's brood and if I can protect her from some unnecessary trauma, I will, but I have mixed feelings about the whole situation, as one might imagine.

I am a single woman with no children by design. I am not in a place in my life where I want children and since I'm still single, having a child means I'm living a single parent existence, which is tough. The cost of daycare is substantial, along with all the other costs of raising a child, not to mention the other huge affects this has on my lifestyle that have nothing to do with finances. I have goals and dreams for myself, one of which is traveling abroad and that's not feasible with a small child in my life. It also puts a cramp on any dating/social life I have as well.

I've vascilated back and forth about legally pursuing full custody of my niece, but I feel it's really my sister's responsibility to take care of the children she has decided to bring into this world. Not to mention that she rarely shows any appreciation for the sacrifices members of our family have made to care for her and her children. Suffice to say, some of the things my sister has done to me after helping her and her children, would have been enough for me to cut her out of my life completely. I love her, but I've had to put up some boundaries to protect my sanity and make myself a priority as well. I also don't want to make a sacrifice of that magnitude and have her feel as though that opens the door for her to have another child, since she is physically able to do so. I think my sister needs some help to address some issues she has or this cycle will continue in her and her children's life and will continue to affect the lives of those that love her.

All I can say is that I'm doing what I can for my niece at this point because she needs me and I'll always be there for her regardless. I will continue to be strong and try to be a source of strength for others in my family as well. I'm going to take it one day at a time and that's all I can do.

Pray for me....