Life changes...
If you've read my blog you know that I have had custody of my 3yr old niece for some months now. In honesty, I have had custody of her on and off since she was 2mths old.
I have made the decision to take her back to her mother this weekend. I find that although it's something that needs to be done, I have mixed feelings about it. I have come to the realization that although I've always cared for my niece with the best of intentions for her health and well being, I've managed to enable my sister (her mother) at the same time. I've always taken custody of my niece when my sister was unable to care for her for one reason or another because I have a close bond with my niece and I don't want her to experience unnecessary difficulties and possible trauma in her little life, but the longer I continue to do this, the more comfortable I make my sister's situation. I find that my sister has become accustomed to my niece living with me. She says that she's been doing her best to make the necessary arrangements to take my niece back, but that never happens.
On the other hand, I've been feeling that I'm being taken for granted and possibly taken advantage of. I have done a lot for my sister thru her life struggles and I have never had to lean on her for any assistance and it's just getting old. She is my oldest sister and I think she should have herself together since she will be 40 this year. And despite all the help I've given my sister, she has done a lot of things to hurt me that I wouldn't put up with from a 'friend' and she never seems to truly appreciate the sacrifices I've made to help her and her children. Because of this and other factors, I've decided that some tough love is in order. I have decided that barring a life or death situation, I will not avail myself to help her any longer. I am a single woman and I would like to enjoy my life accordingly. I have lived the life of a single parent long enough and I don't have any children of my own. My sister doesn't support my niece financially when she's with me, so I'm paying for everything including daycare, which is difficult as a single person. I love my niece and I find it difficult to hand her over because I know that her whole life will change and the structure that she's grown accustomed to will be no longer, but at the same time, is it better for her to keep going back and forth?
I have wrestled with the decision of whether or not I should simply gain full custody of my niece and raise her as my own, but after much consideration, I have realized that I am not ready to be a parent right now. And I'm certainly not ready to live the life of a single parent by choice. I will always play the second motherly role that I've always played in my niece's life and will always be there for her, but I can't continue to struggle and suffer because someone else isn't able to handle their responsibilities in life and stand behind the decisions they've made. It was my sister's choice to have five children out of wedlock and now she has to live with those decisions.
I have recently been so tapped out and on the verge of a deep depression that I realized that I've given of myself to the point that there was nothing left for me. I can't continue to live my life this way, so I have decided that I will no longer live my life in that manner. I have to put myself first. I am a giving person and that will never change, but before offering myself blindly to others, I need to consider how it will affect my life and if it's truly a sacrifice I WANT to make as opposed to something I feel obligated to do because I'm putting others feelings before my own. That is one of the reasons I chose the first musical selection on my blog entitled Gills and Tails. It describes a woman that escapes to the sea to leave her problems behind but realizes that it's not where she belongs. She wants to return to her life, but finds that she's grown gills and tails and is unable to. I have identified with this song since the moment I heard it as it was able to express what I was unable to in my own words. I don't want to get to the point where I feel I can't 'return' to myself and give in because I feel helpless.
I NEED to take care of myself.
I NEED to be happy.
I NEED to pursue my life goals.
Tomorrow is not promised and it's time I start living my life with that in mind. I have been putting off the things I want to do for myself, but I can't continue to do that because I'm essentially putting off my life. I haven't been happy and I am the only one that can change this and I will.
I will achieve the goals I've set forth for myself in this year and going forward. I will find that fulfillment and happiness within myself that I've been searching for, I just need to give myself the same affection, attention, and genuine love that I shower on others. This year will be a changing point for me and it starts with steps like these.
I have made the decision to take her back to her mother this weekend. I find that although it's something that needs to be done, I have mixed feelings about it. I have come to the realization that although I've always cared for my niece with the best of intentions for her health and well being, I've managed to enable my sister (her mother) at the same time. I've always taken custody of my niece when my sister was unable to care for her for one reason or another because I have a close bond with my niece and I don't want her to experience unnecessary difficulties and possible trauma in her little life, but the longer I continue to do this, the more comfortable I make my sister's situation. I find that my sister has become accustomed to my niece living with me. She says that she's been doing her best to make the necessary arrangements to take my niece back, but that never happens.
On the other hand, I've been feeling that I'm being taken for granted and possibly taken advantage of. I have done a lot for my sister thru her life struggles and I have never had to lean on her for any assistance and it's just getting old. She is my oldest sister and I think she should have herself together since she will be 40 this year. And despite all the help I've given my sister, she has done a lot of things to hurt me that I wouldn't put up with from a 'friend' and she never seems to truly appreciate the sacrifices I've made to help her and her children. Because of this and other factors, I've decided that some tough love is in order. I have decided that barring a life or death situation, I will not avail myself to help her any longer. I am a single woman and I would like to enjoy my life accordingly. I have lived the life of a single parent long enough and I don't have any children of my own. My sister doesn't support my niece financially when she's with me, so I'm paying for everything including daycare, which is difficult as a single person. I love my niece and I find it difficult to hand her over because I know that her whole life will change and the structure that she's grown accustomed to will be no longer, but at the same time, is it better for her to keep going back and forth?
I have wrestled with the decision of whether or not I should simply gain full custody of my niece and raise her as my own, but after much consideration, I have realized that I am not ready to be a parent right now. And I'm certainly not ready to live the life of a single parent by choice. I will always play the second motherly role that I've always played in my niece's life and will always be there for her, but I can't continue to struggle and suffer because someone else isn't able to handle their responsibilities in life and stand behind the decisions they've made. It was my sister's choice to have five children out of wedlock and now she has to live with those decisions.
I have recently been so tapped out and on the verge of a deep depression that I realized that I've given of myself to the point that there was nothing left for me. I can't continue to live my life this way, so I have decided that I will no longer live my life in that manner. I have to put myself first. I am a giving person and that will never change, but before offering myself blindly to others, I need to consider how it will affect my life and if it's truly a sacrifice I WANT to make as opposed to something I feel obligated to do because I'm putting others feelings before my own. That is one of the reasons I chose the first musical selection on my blog entitled Gills and Tails. It describes a woman that escapes to the sea to leave her problems behind but realizes that it's not where she belongs. She wants to return to her life, but finds that she's grown gills and tails and is unable to. I have identified with this song since the moment I heard it as it was able to express what I was unable to in my own words. I don't want to get to the point where I feel I can't 'return' to myself and give in because I feel helpless.
I NEED to take care of myself.
I NEED to be happy.
I NEED to pursue my life goals.
Tomorrow is not promised and it's time I start living my life with that in mind. I have been putting off the things I want to do for myself, but I can't continue to do that because I'm essentially putting off my life. I haven't been happy and I am the only one that can change this and I will.
I will achieve the goals I've set forth for myself in this year and going forward. I will find that fulfillment and happiness within myself that I've been searching for, I just need to give myself the same affection, attention, and genuine love that I shower on others. This year will be a changing point for me and it starts with steps like these.
posted by Natacha at 2:02 PM
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