Life...

I'm sitting here at work bored out of my mind. I thought I'd take this oppurtunity to write an entry about how I'm looking at life these days.

First, let me say that I'm at a stand still with my weight-loss journey. I have fallen off the wagon with a big thud.. lol I feel like an alcoholic and I should be in some support group standing up saying, 'My name is Natacha and I'm a food-a-holic', hanging my head in shame as the group says, 'Hi Natacha'. I'm good at painting a picture with words, huh? Bet you visualized that, right??? (smile).

I've been tivo'ng The Biggest Loser, but I find that I don't actually watch the episodes because I don't want to be reminded of what I'm not doing although I need the positive reinforcement. Guess I've been in a bit of denial lately, so I need to get back to the gym and healthy eating. I've been bingeing on junk lately. I could say that I've been eating at McDonalds a lot lately because they're doing the Monopoly game again and I want to be a millionaire so I'm stocking up on game pieces that come with the meals, but you wouldn't buy that, huh??... I knew it.. DAMN YOU!! hehehehehe. Work with me here people.. lol. I know what I need to do, I've just got to get around to it and I will. I just want to get to that point that the junk either makes me sick when I eat it or it just doesn't taste appealing any longer darn it.

Other than the recent single parent reality I'm living, I have to say that I'm feeling a bit more content with my life these days. I was in a very bad depression earlier this year and in the interest of total honesty, I wasn't sure what my purpose was and felt as if it didn't make a difference if I woke up or not. I wasn't suicidal by any stretch, but I was just tired and ready to rest. There were a lot of things that contributed to that mind-set that I'm coming thru right now. One of which was a certain someone that hurt me in ways I'd never been hurt before. It took me some time to gain my own closure on that situation since he didn't provide any. I came out a stronger person and realized that he just wasn't what he presented himself to be, so I had to move on. It's amazing how one person can affect your out look and self esteem. I'd never experienced anything like it and hope to never experience it again. 'And that's all I have to say about that.' - Forrest Gump

I'm interested in someone at the moment and it's taken me some time to allow that to happen. It is my little way of prevailing over the pain I've overcome. It's a slow process, but I'm on the other end and pushing through it.

Work is wonderful. I can say that I love my job and that's really something coming from the experience I had with my last position, which contributed to my depression at the time. Environment is everything, believe me when I tell you.

I've met some women thru my naptural gatherings that I feel a kinship with. I value that so much. It's wonderful to meet women that make you feel wonderful simply by being in their presence. No words need to be said, nor do they have to know what pain you've either been through or are going thru that they lighten just by being themselves. It's a wonderful experience and one I value more than words can say. I've also grown closer to a friend that I've known for over 10yrs and she has become my solace on many levels. She knows who she is and I love her dearly and treasure our new found closeness. Thanks for being my confidant chica and hanging out with me. We don't go a day w/o talking to each other of late and it's great. Shugah Bear missed out on you.. LMAO!!! (smile)

Overall, although I have some challenges yet to overcome, I think I'm well on the path to being whole and it feels good. I plan on pursuing my dreams of traveling more, although I've had to put those plans on hold while I have a child in my life, but I know my dreams will come to fruition regardless and that brings me joy.

I am here... I am getting even stronger... I am me and learning what that truly means more and more every day.